My Lotus Blossom
by Mieko Kagetaka
Summary: Wufei relives sad memories as he notices a cloud reformation of his wife, Meiran.


Warnings: Angst, mildly sad   
Pairings: None   
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters of Gundam Wing. They're happily owned by the folks at Bandai, Sunrise and Sotsu Agency. Pure enjoyment only.   
  
thoughts = //..//   
  
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My Lotus Blossom   
  
  
Wufei sat tiredly down on the grass after an intense training   
session to clear his mind of the day's labors. Feeling the grass yield   
slightly to his weight, Wufei sunk into its green carpet and drank in the scene before him. The golden sun was setting up ahead, leaving deep purples, vibrant oranges, and crimson ribbons into the once blue skies. Wufei never before took the time to actually watch a sunset and he silently pondered why he was looking at it in the first place.   
  
He loved his brief seclusion from the other pilots, but he could   
not help this sudden feeling of infathomable loneliness that swept past him like gentle winds carrying the maple leaves from the trees behind him. Bringing his knees up to his chin and wrapping his arms aroung them,he set his charcoal onyx eyes past the sunset onto the vast blue-green sea before him.   
  
//Why must I be so alone?// he thought with a slow intake of air, filling his lungs of honeysuckles, nearly intoxicating him of its scent.   
  
//That smell... I know that smell..// he thought unconsciously   
as he tuned his hearing to the near-silent crashes of the water against the golden shores across from grass. He turned his eyes to a cluster of clouds that seem to creep across the sky like a presence. He blinked suddenly as his eyes widen at what the clouds formed... //Her face... my gods, her face// As if sending him a message from the grave, his beloved Meiran's face appeared in the clouds. Choking back sudden tears, he rubbed his eyes, and blinked once more to make sure he wasn't dreaming. There she was, smiling at him like she did when they were first wed.   
  
In his mind, sad memories streamed in like a river that broke loose from its dam. Flooding his psyche with a vengence which he had no way of controlling. Scenes flashed in his mind's eye. The arranged marriage to Meiran. Her gown, her face, long lashes, porcelain skin, and deep onyx eyes that could capture his soul with just a glance. He remembered it well. He didn't agree with the wedding but he had to because it was expected of him. In time, he came to love her, yet his love wasn't enough. His pride got in the way and she went in his place to fight. Now she's gone, plucked out of his life, and it was all his fault. //It should have been me. I should have been the one that went out to fight. My sweet Nataku, please forgive me.//   
  
She died in his place, with such honor he could never possessed. She was a warrior, which was something he could never truly be. He was a scholar, a descendent from the Elders of the Dragon. It wasn't his place to be a warrior. But he had to be because it was expected of him. The one chance to fight for honor, he had turned away, supposedly to defend his pride of not fighting. She went in his place and now she was gone. The honor belonged to her now, and it cost her her life. He didn't mean to love her, he had only planned to tolerate her because she was his wife. He had no idea what feelings he possessed inside for anyone besides his Elders. But he loved her, God knows he did. He may not have showed it, but he did. He just didn't know how to love. //Nataku, you were right all along. Some things are worth fighting for. You taught me that.// For that reason, he felt that if women just did "women's work" and not fight, then more women's lives could be saved from fruitless battles that men fought. They were too weak, no, too innocent, too pure to endure losing their lives over something trivial as battle conceived by men. He believed that he failed as a husband because he couldn't protected Meiran when his own pride prevented him from fighting. Therefore, he felt infathomable guilt and sadness.   
  
He forced himself to think back to the wedding day. How the Assembly of the Dragon's Elders and the Den Mothers of the Lotus smiled to one another as Wufei and Meiran came together in front of God. Infusing the spirits of the Dragon and Lotus in this marriage, thus completing the circle of life. To Wufei, it was just a marriage he did not ask for. To the witnesses, it was much much more. Meiran was beautiful, her hair tightly bounded adorned with red and jade decorative chopsticks. Her red silken dress with golden lotus blossoms fit her slender physique like second skin. To a normal man getting married on his own free will, he would have been awe-strucked. To Wufei, his stoic face emmenated his disagreement of being arranged to marry Meiran. Yet, deep inside, he was in awe. She possessed something more than most of the few women Wufei knew. Her face showed intelligence and grace, a look similar to the Den-Mothers who raised her. Her head was held high, her eyes shining towards him, inviting him into her light. The gentle fragrance of honeysuckles followed her as she walked down the aisle. As she walked to him, she presented a smile that would melt a glacier in the Artic lands. That very smile, caused Wufei to feel something deep inside his soul and amazingly, he smiled back...   
  
Their marriage was never easy, even strained at times. He would retire to his studies as she would try to convince him that there was more to life than books. On the topic of war, they forever debated on the validness and need for fighting. He didn't believe that fighting would make a difference - a senseless waste of life. She believed that fighting for a noble cause, for Nataku, would prevent more innocent lives to be lost. She felt the same way the day he told her he wasn't going to fight. She had kissed him on his forehead in his sleep before she left. She left a letter telling him to forgive her but she had to fight for the cause. That letter he kept in his duffel bag ever since. //Meiran, I never told you that I loved you... I thought there would be time to be able to say it. Could you ever forgive me?//   
  
Wufei stood up suddenly and reached with his shaking left hand towards the sky, caressing her face as the menacing tears threatened to roll down his face.   
  
//No... this can't be...// Then it hit him like a thousand kicks to his soul.. //We were wed on this day// Her face seemed to change on its own accord, silent speaking to his soul deep within, as the gentle winds whispered for her, "Ai shiteru, Wufei, I shall always be with you..." He felt like his heart was being ripped out of his chest. His silent tears burned as they scalded down his cheeks. His voice caught in his throat, held in like a bird fighting to get out of its gilded cage. Just then as if this was simply a message and nothing more, the clouds slowly dispersed, leaving no trace of her face left. "No!! Come back! Don't leave me!" Wufei shouted at the unmerciful clouds, willing them to reform her perfect face. Alas, the clouds mere vanished into the horizon, leaving him standing with his hand   
still outstretched. Curling his fingers into a fist, he crumpled onto the grass, as if a puppeteer who cut the strings off a marrienette (sp?), and cried uncontrollably into the sweet grass. Her scent of honeysuckles filled his nostrils once more as he surrendered into his sadness. He laid there in the grass until he cried himself to sleep. Just then, the winds whispered to him "Never forget my love for you..." In the time that elapsed, the moon crept up cautiously into the sky and cried for him, scattering the stars to shine their light with its own onto Wufei's crumpled form. The silvery light covered his sleeping body like a warm blanket of protection. A dove cooed as flew away from the safety of her hiding place for the duration of the day. She looked upon his sleeping form one last time and spread her wings. Her deep onyx eyes smiled a smile that could melt glaciers in the Artic lands. She flew off towards the moon and disappeared into the night. "Ai shiteru, Chang Wufei."   
  
~*~OWARI~*~


End file.
